Panic!

I’ve been going between two extremes lately: Super chilled, or super stressed. Neither are particularly good for me, being relaxed means I don’t do anything and being stressed means I freak out way too much and still get nothing done. I guess I like to be adequately busy all the time, so I always have something to do.

This afternoon, I realised I still hadn’t gotten any yen for my trip to Japan (Flying out on Sunday!), hadn’t packed, had to go to someone’s 21st, and was stressed over some other issues. As a result, I had a short panic attack at the train station. It’s funny how such small(?) provocation can make your heart pound and stop you from breathing properly.

I often always feel like I’m not allowed to feel upset or worried because I’m so very lucky, and comparatively my troubles are very small. Both of those facts are true, but my worries are important to me, and that’s why I can let them upset me.

Let me tell you a secret, I’ve been guilty of telling people that they shouldn’t be upset over things, and making them feel like they’re not allowed to get stressed or upset. I’m actually very ashamed of this because it’s not true at all, and for this reason I also feel like I can’t tell other people why I’m anxious or upset.

I guess I’m writing this to remind myself that it’s actually okay to feel like crap, and that it’s also okay to talk to other people about it. I should also try a lot harder to be someone who listens to other people when they’re unhappy, instead of telling them that they shouldn’t feel that way. I’m not the master of anyone’s feelings but my own.

P.S. I hope you all like my self portrait, I’m an amazing artist, I know