Traditions
This morning my family went to pay our respects to my grandparents - my father’s parents. They died long ago and any memories I have of them are extremely fuzzy and don’t make much sense. Regardless, we go “visit” them around three times a year and every visit follows the same routine. The same traditions. First, we pull out a big tray that we offer fruit, cake and barbecue pork on and then try to light around fifty incense sticks while the wind foils our attempts to keep them aflame. We waste a lot of matches trying to light them all.
We bow, clasping the smouldering sticks in our hands and stick them in a pot full of sand. We burn “hell money” and other bits of paper with various decorations.
“Don’t smother the flame,” my dad says to me as I drop a pile of money into the drum of fire. “Ma-ma can’t catch it if you drop it too fast.”
“What do they need money for anyway?” I ask him and roll my eyes, because I know there can’t possibly be a logical answer to this question.
“So they can buy material for new clothes,” he chuckles and we keep dropping paper and the flames grow higher.
I ask another question. “Why did we have to bury them so far away from home?”
My mother laughs in her witch-like cackle. “Look around at all the other Chinese people they get to talk to here!” Michael and I exchange dubious glances.
Next, we pour cups of rice wine along the base of the graves. “More, more! Your grandma really loved a drink!” Mum says cheerfully, and Michael spills some all over his feet as I laugh at him. When the fire in the drum has gone out and piles of ash have collected around the incense, we eat the food that’s been set out. Eating in a cemetery is weird but when my dad says “How happy Ma-ma and Ye-ye would be to see us!” I can’t help but think it’s all right and that they would want us to enjoy ourselves while visiting them. Visiting our grandparents isn’t a sad experience for us. In fact, it’s one of those times when the whole family is together and I love those moments.
“When we die, you and Michael won’t have to do all this stuff for us. Flowers will be good,” mum says happily as we are about to leave. “But you have to visit us every year. With your kids too.”
The truth is, I would be ashamed of myself if I only gave my parents flowers or something equally as cheap and easy. I want my kids to do the same thing for their grandparents as I do with mine. This is the way I was brought up to remember the dead. I want to do keep doing this.
# Jenny, 1 year, 3 months ago.
I saw some hell money at this Chinese place. I made my dad’s friend explain it and I was like “ooooook.” at the whole ‘they need money’.
We only do that type of stuff like once a year if we’re lucky. We haven’t done it for a while though, we used to do it and I used to ALWAYS laugh and yeah, my dad was never too happy with me doing that. :3
We do it when we’re in Hong Kong though, a lot. And it’s a tad bit more special for me there. (:
# Laur, 1 year, 3 months ago.
It’s kind of sweet that you have that sort of tradition. It’s a nice way to pay your respects and remember your family, even if you were young when they died and don’t really understand the purpose of some of those actions, like the hell money and whatnot. I’d probably ask the same questions, but still, it’s nice.
# Boris, 1 year, 3 months ago.
I didn’t know your grandparents lived in Australia… I thought your parents came over. Unless they moved their ashes. My family does that every time we go to Hong Kong. The bus comes once an hour.
# Miranda, 1 year, 3 months ago.
sounds like a neat tradition. cute site :D
# Skye, 1 year, 3 months ago.
The trick to lighting the incense sticks is to use a candle, so you won’t waste matches. I hated all those traditional rituals we Chinese have to do in the cemetery.I don’t like offering food, burning incense sticks, and especially, I hate burning “gold paper money” and even “cars” made from paper. I’m just not traditional. :D
# Robbie, 1 year, 3 months ago.
Everyone has their own tradition., and I’m sorry about your grandparents.
We have alike traditions, but definitely not the same, we don’t burn money and such.
# Kaisa, 1 year, 3 months ago.
I think that is a very sweet way of remembering and showing respect for your grandparents. We do it the cheap and easy way and just put flowers or candles on their graves :|
# Aravis, 1 year, 3 months ago.
We do the same thing once a year. We visit our relatives’ graves and spend the night in the cemetery. My American friends think it’s creepy, but I think it’s a lot of fun! :D
# Helen, 1 year, 3 months ago.
At Easter, we roll decorated eggs on our relatives’ graves if we’re in the area - but we rarely are. It’s a tradition I never really understood, but apparently decorated eggs work for everything from birth to death. Like personalised flowers, I suppose.
Your traditions sound like fun though, I hope you do keep them up.