I thought it would be better
Remember that day I met you all over again (sort of)? I was looking forward to becoming great friends with you. More than two painfully shy kids forced to sit next to each other in class because we were both “smart” and would “understand each other”. Not more, as in a relationship kind of more, but more as in… I don’t even know. It hasn’t happened.
Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes so high. I knew that we wouldn’t be sitting next to each other all the time like before. Maybe I should just be content with passing smiles, but I have such a curiosity to really get to know you. To know the person that you have become. I think you have things to say and I want to hear them. You can’t have stayed the same, you just can’t have. That means I might have remained stagnant. That I might still be that awkward little girl who found it so hard to make friends. The child who found it so hard to make proper conversation with you, instead of saying things like “Do you know the answer to question twelve?”
If in six months I can’t make friends with someone I used to see everyday, maybe I really haven’t changed. That disappoints me. Wasn’t the whole point of me going somewhere new, to change? Did I leave comfort for nothing? Did I leave my friends for nothing?
I’m starting to get used to the fact that we might never be what I want us to be. I hope that soon, I will be okay with that. For now, I’m just disappointed. There’s not much more I’d like in this world, than to write another post negating this one, but I’m beginning to see that it might not happen. I will just have to learn to be content with those passing smiles of yours and understand that they will only be passing.
# Rafia, 1 year, 9 months ago.
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m the same way. I have such a hard time talking to people, insecurities, and all that stuff. There are a lot of people that I wish I could talk to and be friends with because the seem like nice people. I just don’t know how to get to that point. But don’t be so hard on yourself. You can’t give friendship a time limit. Maybe something will happen, and soon!
# Amber, 1 year, 9 months ago.
I don’t think I’m shy enough. I have a fear that I force myself upon people. I’m loud, self opinionated and have the ability to fill in any gap. I couldn’t just sit there in silence, ever, although recently I could.
I hope things between you get better/ improve.
# Boris, 1 year, 9 months ago.
Thanks for the comment edit, didn’t really realise at the time. Not all friends are to be kept or made. Right now a family from Queensland is at my house. When I used to go to Queensland I used to always have fun with the son of that family. Right now? He’s sitting downstairs, reading a Ralph magazine and listening to songs on his PSP. When I got home I waved to him and he just half nodded.
Yeah. I think we’ve forgotten each other now.
At least be glad that you’re a friend to the people you are with now. “Now now now…” Heh- live in the now, hey? Well, as long as you don’t think that thinking actively neccessarily means changing, or doing something new like you said. You weren’t close friends once, nor do you need to change that- especially if you don’t think it’s the right direction anymore anyway. Even though all I’ve said will prossably make you want to even more.